Hey guys and gals!
You just entered the modern era of super surveillance, cameras pointed at you from every direction. But don’t worry, Sam Guydude respects your privacy. Wanna know more?
Let’s zoom and enhance.
Where am I?
In case you didn’t know (you might be drunk like Coolman often is), you have landed right here: https://samguydude.com.
What if I drink and comment?
If you’re anything like Sam Guydude, you might start your day with an Irish Coffee and head right for the comments section, guns blazing. But when you sober up, you might be wondering, “What the fuck did I write, and what do they know about me?”
In short, Sam Guydude collects the data shown in the comments form, and also your IP address and browser user agent string. It’s not because he’s sending the FBI after you (or that the feds even care) – it’s to help spam detection. Yeah, there are evil robots all over the internet, and we should fight them together.
An anonymized string created from your email address (a hash) may also be provided to the Gravatar service to see if you are using it. Gravatar provides those awesome mug shots you often see next to a comment, and you can see Gravatar’s privacy policy here: https://automattic.com/privacy/. After approval of your comment, your uploaded mug shot is visible to the public in the context of your comment.
I love to attach location data to my cool memes!
Don’t do that, you idiot. If you upload images to the website, you should avoid uploading images with embedded location data (EXIF GPS) included. Visitors to the website can download and extract any location data from images. Yeah, even that first employer of yours, who finally realized you were the one who took the last Urge from the fridge in 1994.
Doughnuts – I Mean Cookies
If you leave a comment on the site you may opt-in to saving your name, email address, and website in cookies. Yeah, we all know what cookies are – they are the reason you met that goddamn irritating pop-up notification the first time you visited the site. These cookies will last for one year, so don’t expect Grandma to come to find your trail of crumbs later than that. Sorry.
If you visit our login page (which you will only do, if you’re an evil robot), we will set a temporary cookie to determine if your browser accepts cookies. This cookie contains no personal data and is discarded when you close your browser.
Embedded content from Big Ass Tech
Articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.) from those big ass tech companies we all know and can’t live without. Yeah, the ones we sold our souls to, just so we could watch goddamn funny cat videos for free. Embedded content from these websites behaves in the exact same way as if you visited those websites. This ultimately means that some dude behind a screen might know what underwear you loved to use back in 1987 and that you sometimes like to wear the same socks two days in a row.
In short, these websites may collect data about you, use cookies, embed additional third-party tracking, and monitor your interaction with that embedded content, including tracking your interaction with the embedded content if you have an account and are logged in to that website.
Feeling dirty yet?
How Long Will Sam Guydude Keep My Comment Data?
If you leave a comment, the comment and its metadata are retained indefinitely, muhahahahahaha! But don’t worry. Sam Guydude only keeps your metadata, so he can automatically recognize and approve any follow-up comments instead of holding them in a moderation queue. And you can, of course, request a deletion of your data, see below.
What are my rights, man?
If you have left any comments on this site, you can request to receive an exported file of the personal data Sam Guydude holds about you, including any data you have provided. You can also request that Sam Guydude erases any personal data he holds about you. This does not include any data he is obliged to keep for administrative, legal, or security purposes. And he has no power over those big-ass tech companies you offered your firstborn to.
Where does Sam Guydude send my data?
Your data is sent straight to the Pentagon and the closest S.W.A.T. team. Just kidding. Your comments may be checked through an automated spam detection service to ensure you’re not a robot.
Are you a robot, dude? Don’t be a robot. It’s so last year.